Building A Bond Between Friends That’s Solid As A Rock

Humans were never meant to live a solitary life.  The need for companionship is as fundamental as food and water.  Without friends, we would feel lonely, rejected, and left out.  Even the best marriages are based on friendship first.  But we also need friends outside the marriage to fulfill all of our human social needs and help us get through trying and difficult situations. 

Building a strong bond with rock-solid friendships takes loyalty, trust, and honesty.  True and lasting friendship simply  can’t happen overnight.

Most people have rock-solid friendships with only a couple of people or a handful at the most throughout their life.  The truth is a friendship is about quality, not quantity. Yes, you can have several friends, but most are merely casual friendships and don’t have that deep inner connection.

A good example of this is Jesus. He had 12 disciples, but only three were considered as his closest companions, Peter, James, and John. Jesus had companionship with all 12, but only three were truly close to him, like a best friend.

The Friendly Sacrifice

Being a true friend also requires sacrifice. In a rock-solid friendship, we may be asked to give up our desires for our friend’s needs. Our friend may need us when it’s not so convenient for us, like in the middle of the night. In a rock-solid friendship, this would involve sacrificing the comfort of a good night’s sleep in a nice, warm bed in order to be there for our friend. But that’s what friends do!

Give and Take

In a strong and reliable  friendship, there is both give and take. There are reciprocated feelings between both people  and it’s never one-sided. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be conflicts because we’re human, after all. However, when there is a conflict between two very close friends, the struggles usually don’t last long because there is forgiveness, understanding, and communication.

• Forgiveness means that you let go of any malice or grudges and you move forward at peace with one another.
• Understanding comes from knowing your friend inside and out – knowing where they’re coming from and knowing what they’re going through.
• Communication means that you connect with your friend with an overall understanding of his or her relating style.

When a friendship is truly rock-solid, both people are real with each other; there are no facades, no masks and no secrets. There is trust, honesty, sincerity and loyalty, however, and this comes only as a friendship grows.

How to Connect With a New Friend

You may have stumbled upon someone new by chance or through friends and if there is enough common interest, you may decide to meet again. Sounds pretty obvious, right?

With each encounter you have, your relationship grows and strengthens. Then as you continue to get to know one another, the communication gets easier and you become more comfortable with each other. The key here is that it can’t happen overnight. If you try to force it, you may make the other person feel uncomfortable and threatened, so go at a smooth and steady pace.

Showing True Colors

As the friendship continues to blossom, casual friends build trust and loyalty through both the peaks and valleys of life. However, it’s in the difficult times that a person’s true colors are revealed. When you’re going through a tragedy, a personal crisis, or simply a rough patch, it is the rock-solid friends that are there to help lift you back up.

Friends Help Friends Grow

True friends help each other grow mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. A true friendship requires both unconditional love as well as tough love.

Building a rock-solid friendship takes time to achieve, but once you’re in a rock-solid friendship with someone, you will know who you can trust. Neither distance, nor hard times can spoil a truly rock-solid friendship.

Dealing with Previous Conflicts

Dispute is never an easy thing to deal with, but old, deeply rooted disputes can actually affect your body, mind and spirit. When you permit a past conflict to stew and become a determining part of a human relationship, it can be tough to move forward, but it’s not unachievable, it’s just a matter of making the correct conflict solution approach. 

Look at the Dispute with an Open Heart and Mind 

 A Lot of times a past conflict can be resolved by just looking at it with a new, calm perspective.  When you learn how to look at a past dispute without increasing your blood pressure or a sleepless night, you’ll be much more likely to find an favorable solution. 

The first thing you should do is look at the conflict objectively.  You need to raise all of the issues on your mind, but you must always be respectful. Actively listen to the other person, then ask that they do the same for you. Remember to focus on the problem, not the individual because personal assaults have never resolved anything! If you’re having a tough time communicating, a third-party can help mediate the discussion so that all parties are equally heard. 

Use your mutual interests and concerns as a starting point.  For example, if you were fighting with a sibling over a parent’s estate, perhaps you were both trying to ensure that the estate was as fair and balanced as possible.  Go forward from this point so that you start at a place where you both agree. 

Brainstorm resolutions that everyone can agree on.  Conflict usually occurs when one or both parties feel inequality, so get together and brainstorm ideas that will help you resolve the dispute.  You may find that you are actually building on one another’s ideas. That’s a good thing! The goal is to come to a resolution that offers mutual gain. 

Create standards of how things will be going forward and create all of your agreements surrounding these criteria.  This will help to ensure that you don’t have the same obstacles in the future.  By setting specific standards, everyone will be able to communicate in the most respectful and effective way moving ahead. 

Accept What You Cannot Change 

We all hear that we should accept the things that we cannot change, but this is easier said than done. When it comes to past disputes you should always seek to solve them first. If you cannot, it’s time to accept the things that you cannot change. 

• Give up control.  When you give up trying to control what is unmanageable suddenly the stress of handling with the dispute dissolves. You will feel like a mountain has been lifted off of your shoulders and you may find that you have a whole new look on life as well as the conflict and the person or people involved with it. 
• Share what you feel.  When you are feeling angry, hurt or stressed, try sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member.  It’s easier to move past disputes when you have sounding boards at your disposal.  You don’t necessarily have to talk to someone who was involved in the conflict, just share your feelings openly and honestly. By getting it out of your mind and off your chest, you’re able to find peace within your heart. 
• Look for the positives.  There are always positive things that come from every situation, even the worst of all conflicts. For example, you may have realized the importance of communication, interpersonal relationships, or forgiveness.  When you can find something good about a past situation you’ll find that coping with dispute is much easier. 
• Focusing on forgiveness.  When you focus on forgiveness, the hurt associated with conflict suddenly disappears. After all, we all make mistakes from time to time. When you understand that we live in an imperfect world it’ll be easier to let go of the hurt feelings and anger associated with the dispute. 

Stress Management – I Want An Attitude Adjustment

Negativity is a huge drain on our energy and only gets worse  when we’re stressed.  So what’s your attitude?  Is the glass half empty or half full. Do you see the downside or upside first. 

Being negative is a habit often brought on by past suffering and situations that significantly effects the way we feel.   But it can stop now. Even in suffering, you don’t have to be negative.  What’s the difference? Attitude! 

How do you change your negative attitude? First, become aware when your negative.  This may be easier said then done especially if you’ve sent a lot of your time feeling negative.

Write down how you feel in a journal.  Once you know what kinds of things trigger your negativity , you can begin to catch yourself in the act.  When unexpected things happen are the first words out of your mouth “oh no?”  Notice what your doing and tell yourself I don’t have to respond this way.  This stops your thought process. 

Just like any habit, the more you get use to halting your negative reactions and replacing them with neutral or positive reactions, the less you’ll find yourself reacting negatively.

To change my own negative tendencies of thinking negatively I’ve been evaluating my feelings.  Asking myself these questions:

1. Is the situation or just my perception causing me stress?
2. Am I expecting things to be other than they are?
3. Am I stressed because of someone else’s mistake?
4. Am I wasting time looking for a cause of this situation instead of changing my behavior now?

So do you want an attitude adjustment too? Well it’s your turn to choose.